The Push

"Look at your work and it tells you how it is when you hold back or when you embrace. When you are lazy, your art is lazy; when you hold back, it holds back; when you hesitate, it stands there staring, hands in its pockets. But when you commit, it comes on like blazes."

- David Bayles & Ted Orland -

- Art & Fear -

I have a decent camera. I have a computer. I have social media. I have coffee. I have a website. I have books. I have people, nature, landscape, architecture, products, food, animals, water, light and dark. I have over 10,000 images. I have a bachelors degree in photography. I have and have had many opportunities. I have more than enough to be a successful photographer, yet here I am, sitting on the sidelines of my photographic life. The thing is, I decided to sit myself out. I decided to sit myself out because I am too afraid of the game and I don't push myself past that fear.

Even as I am sitting here writing this I let me mind go to "Oh, who are you to be writing this? What's the point anyway, it's not like it's going to help anyone or do anything. You already made posts like this, you go in and out all the time. You are going to stop creating again and this will all fall to the wayside."... can you just shut the F up for once?! Mind, you are just the worst sometimes! Its like a kid who is afraid of the monster in her closet, so all she does is sit in bed and be in that fear. If she were to just get up and go LOOK, she would soon find out there is no monster and fall fast asleep without the fear eating at her all night long. The fear is imaginary. It is a fabrication made by the mind and we need to Snopes that beast!

Even if it doesn't really look like fear at first, when you go deep enough it comes back to fear. I go over and over in my head about what I "REALLLY" want to do with my work. Getting all in a tizzy when I am trying to decide which direction to go or what my theme is going to be. I can't remember how many times I have changed my entire instagram feed trying to please my viewers. This image didn't get that many likes, so I must be doing something wrong, let me just change it for them. Welp, I forgot about the most important person in this whole process, myself. The fear that my images won't be accepted or good enough or bla, bla, bla, to infinity and beyond of the self-doubt universe, needs to stop right now. If I have a photograph that I love, I just need to follow that bliss, running past the fear with eyes closed, earmuffs on, yelling "I'm not listening, I'm not listening!". Even if it's just one image, go with it. Let it lead me and don't look back.

Here it is. Me following my heart, kicking fear in the face, making art that I personally enjoy and working at it every single day. The only way to make something worthwhile and important is to make it through your authentic self. Now, I am making a commitment to myself and the universe that I will work on my passion every day. I am putting myself in the game. I know that fear will not be a hinderance, but can be used as a tool. I will use fear to drive me, not limit me. The push past fear starts now. Little by little I will strengthen my fear pushing muscle. Before I know it I will be laughing at the savage creature that once ruled my life, while I passionately and confidently create what I love.